Anal sex isn’t just for the sexually daring anymore. It’s becoming more and more common in bedrooms around the world, but don’t let that fool you. Backdoor play is a different beast altogether. If you’re trying to convince your girlfriend to have anal sex — and yes, we’re going out on a limb here and assuming it’s your idea — there are a few key pieces of advice you need to hear.

First off, she will either love it or hate it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, resulting in one of two feelings: pain or pleasure. And if it was pain, it’s likely she’s going to be hesitant about trying it again. You’ll have to be extra prepared if you’re going at it for a second time, hoping for more pleasurable results for her.

But if she’s open to it, with a little practice and a lot of patience, you’ll be able to enjoy a satisfying anal-sex life.Use a variety of different positions to make it more fun and comfortable for both of you. Once you know what women love and hate about anal sex, you are ready to rock her world.

THE PROS

It can feel good

Women enjoy anal sex because it feels amazing. It’s a totally different sensation than regular sex. It’s not her vagina, yet it’s inside her. In other words, it’s a completely alien feeling that she isn’t used to, which makes it intriguing. Meanwhile, the rectum will just suck up your penis like a vacuum. Play with her clitoris too and you’ll really send her into the stratosphere. In fact, it’s even possible for women to have orgasms from anal sex.

Because anal sex is naughty

Almost every woman harbors a fantasy of being a “naughty girl.” There’s a reason people love school girl uniforms and handcuffs: It’s forbidden and, therefore, all the more delicious and tempting. Anal sex is something you can do in secret and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your girl — which is part of the fun. Plus, there’s the bonding experience of doing something together for the first time, even if it’s just a first for one of you.

THE CONS

It’s painful

Anal sex can hurt like a mofo. The rectum is not built to have things go in; only out. The vagina stretches to let in a penis and give birth, but a rectum does not. Thus you can cause searing pain if you don’t prepare her properly. That means a) asking her first (duh) b) using lube and c) going very slowly and not pounding into her like a jackrabbit.

It’s a mess

Women put so much emphasis on making themselves look pretty and sweet-smelling for their men, so the merest glimmer of a possibility that you might see her explode all over herself is obviously devastating to her. No longer will you see her as a beautiful, desirable woman; you’ll forever be picturing her covered in feces. It’s not exactly the look she’s going for.

For this reason she might decide to avoid anal sex altogether. But if she takes an anal douche ahead of time (or even just a thorough wash-up in the shower) and makes sure her bowels have been emptied an hour before, she’s almost certain to avoid any messy accidents.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

Lube is your friend

Unlike the vagina, the rectum does not produce its own lubricant. Penetration without ample lube equals dry friction. Not so pleasurable. Use a silicone-based product and not petroleum jelly, which will just clog up the walls of your rectum.

Don’t forget about foreplay

It’s muy importante to turn her on before you even think about going near her back door. When she’s feeling hot and bothered, her body will be much more receptive to anal. In other words, you need to make her ache for it, not just kind of want it. This way when you start touching her closer to her anus, she’ll be more likely to respond with a heated moan than a yelp of pain. Tease her without even putting anything in her. Kiss and rub her body all over. Make her feel relaxed and adored. The art of tease and anticipation is one of the best tools you have in your sexual toolbox.

Keep it clean

Both of you are equally susceptible to disease with anal sex as you are with vaginal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable, so safe sex is imperative. Not only will condoms protect you against any stray fecal matter, but it will prevent her from having an ass full of semen. Semen can mix with the contents of her rectum and can make her sick. Use a condom and avoid the hassle.

Practice makes perfect, and anal sex is no different. Do it the right way, and she’ll be more open to doing it again. Screw it up, and you can kiss anal sex goodbye. At least until she forgets how bad it was last time, or you can convince her you’ve learned all these new skills.